Those Words from My Father That Rescued Us during my time as a Brand-New Parent

"In my view I was just in survival mode for twelve months."

One-time reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey thought he would to manage the difficulties of becoming a dad.

Yet the reality quickly proved to be "very different" to his expectations.

Life-threatening health issues surrounding the birth saw his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Abruptly he was thrust into acting as her primary caregiver while also taking care of their baby boy Leo.

"I took on every night time, each diaper… every walk. The duty of both parents," Ryan stated.

After eleven months he reached burnout. It was a chat with his own dad, on a park bench, that led him to understand he couldn't do it alone.

The straightforward phrases "You're not in a good spot. You need some help. In what way can I assist you?" paved the way for Ryan to speak honestly, ask for help and start recovering.

His story is not uncommon, but rarely discussed. Although society is now more comfortable addressing the strain on mums and about postpartum depression, far less attention is paid about the difficulties fathers encounter.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to request support'

Ryan thinks his difficulties are part of a broader failure to talk among men, who often hold onto harmful ideas of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the fortress that just gets smashed and remains standing with each wave."

"It isn't a display of weakness to request help. I didn't do that quick enough," he clarifies.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert who studies mental health before and after childbirth, notes men often don't want to admit they're having a hard time.

They can think they are "not justified to be seeking help" - most notably in preference to a mum and baby - but she highlights their mental well-being is equally important to the household.

Ryan's chat with his dad gave him the opportunity to take a break - taking a short trip away, away from the home environment, to see things clearly.

He came to see he required a adjustment to consider his and his partner's feelings in addition to the day-to-day duties of taking care of a infant.

When he shared with Louise, he saw he'd failed to notice "what she was yearning" -reassuring touch and hearing her out.

'Parenting yourself

That epiphany has transformed how Ryan views fatherhood.

He's now penning Leo regular notes about his feelings as a dad, which he aspires his son will read as he grows up.

Ryan believes these will assist his son to better grasp the language of feelings and understand his parenting choices.

The idea of "reparenting" is something musician Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

During his childhood Stephen was without consistent male parenting. Even with having an "amazing" bond with his dad, deep-held emotional pain caused his father had difficulty managing and was "present intermittently" of his life, making difficult their bond.

Stephen says suppressing feelings resulted in him make "poor choices" when in his youth to modify how he felt, turning in drink and drugs as a way out from the hurt.

"You find your way to things that are harmful," he notes. "They might temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will in the end make things worse."

Tips for Getting By as a New Dad

• Share with someone - when you are under pressure, speak to a trusted person, your other half or a therapist about your state of mind. Doing so may to lighten the load and make you feel less isolated.
• Remember your hobbies - keep doing the pursuits that helped you to feel like you before having a baby. It could be exercising, socialising or a favourite hobby.
• Don't ignore the body - nutritious food, getting some exercise and if you can, sleep, all contribute in how your emotional health is doing.
• Meet other new dads - hearing about their stories, the challenges, and also the positive moments, can help to validate how you're experiencing things.
• Remember that seeking help is not failure - looking after your own well-being is the most effective way you can care for your household.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen understandably found it hard to accept the loss, having not spoken to him for many years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's determined not to "continue the chain" with his own son and instead provide the security and nurturing he missed out on.

When his son threatens to have a outburst, for example, they do "shaking the feelings out" together - processing the frustrations in a healthy way.

Each of Ryan and Stephen say they have become better, healthier men because they faced their pain, changed how they communicate, and learned to control themselves for their sons.

"I am now more capable of… sitting with things and managing things," states Stephen.

"I wrote that in a note to Leo recently," Ryan adds. "I said, at times I feel like my purpose is to instruct and tell you what to do, but actually, it's a two-way conversation. I am discovering an equal amount as you are on this path."